Seeing Relationships as Systems

Relationships Are Systems

The idea is that we are, how we relate, how we act is partly determined by the role we fulfill in our relationships, or systems. While we are a part of the system we are molded to fit. If we are no longer a part of the system the system continues to change, and if we tried to fit back into the system, we would no longer fit right in. By staying involved in a system, or relationship, we are constantly changing in order to remain a comfortable fit within that system.

Relationships Are Systems Implicated by 3 Simple Ideas

1.The principle of mutual responsibility
- Within a system, responsibility must be shared by everyone

2.The principle of homeostasis
- You will be resisted when you try to change the way that you relate to others

3. The principle of negotiation
- The best way to advance changes within a system is through negotiation

Negotiating is not about dividing options; it is about creating new options

• Find out what everyone wants
• Look for common ground
• Broaden the support and reasons for negotiation
• Look for opportunities to trade

Strategies for negotiation:

1. Clarify
2. Build on what the other person says
3. Do not place blame
4. Watch out for escalation
5. Bottle up the insults

SDPope